Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize