They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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