yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
