have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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