haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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