girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize