so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
