Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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