bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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