after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize