we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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