Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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