I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it penis luge time yet?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
