would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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