...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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