K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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