I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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