Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
