the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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