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I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
