I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
