you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
