i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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