Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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