piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
