...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
