i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
