I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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