tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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