He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
