I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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