I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
