alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
