I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize