Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
