im six kinds of drunk right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
