walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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