well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
