i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
