my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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