I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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