I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize