I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
