i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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