No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
