I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
