you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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