And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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