And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
