pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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