And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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