Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize