Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
