Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
