Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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