I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
