So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
