Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
