why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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