This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
