Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize