Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
