My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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