fuck your aforementioned shoe
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize