dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
