so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
