Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
