Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
