dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
