Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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