Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
