The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
