If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
