I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
