I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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