I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
