I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
