This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize