he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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