32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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