You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
