her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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