I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
