Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
