just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I showed him my bush... on skype.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize