I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize