Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
