Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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