I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
