hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My bed smells like the plague
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
