My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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