Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
