Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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