he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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