There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
