just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
