When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
