I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
